Hello…

We finished the play and survived intact! What an crazy couple of weeks that was. Now we’re on the case of having a re-jig and getting it put on later in spring. We had some lovely audiences and quite a large chunk of industry bods came to watch too. Which wasn’t scary at all, no no, not in slightest. *rocks back and forth* In the meantime the director Marianne Oldham is getting ready to take to the stage again for the Arcola Theatre’s Sons Without Fathers and David Ricardo Pearce is getting ready to be Oberon in The Midsummer Night’s Dream. What a talented team!

So, onto my projects new…

Currently under construction is a play I’ve been working on for about a year. This piece is for 7-12 year olds (and you adults too) and we are are trying our best to create “a folk-music fairy tale”. It’s been tough trying to find the time to rehearse/write as we both need to work to bring in the money, but things are finally moving forward! The ‘we’ is me and Simon Spencer-Hyde. My good friend and wonderful comic actor who I trained with back at The Bristol Old Vic Theatre School. Here he is:

We’re looking to start full scale rehearsals this next month with a scratch version ready for April. The key thing is now to find a really, really nice director, producer and some money. Money, that’s the problem – there isn’t any at the moment. Theatres are being shut down and thanks to our delightful coalition government, the Arts (as is usual) is at the bottom of the list. I’m not gonna get on my soapbox, but a multi-billion pound spend on a nuclear submarine….. REALLY? Another problem with money, or the lack thereof is that theatre/performance becomes an elitist thing and people with only money or access to money can create work. There’s not a lot of support for people with none, who want to create. The Edinburgh Festival has definitely been affected by this. Stewart Lee’s article here is a worthy read.

Anyway, RANT OVER… hopefully I can raise some funds off the back of my commercials (like a ‘low-art’ for ‘high-art’ karmic pay off) and also through a bit of good old fashioned hounding. Any offers – drop me a line! Nica Burns, You listening?

In other news – I’ve just signed up with Kate Moon Management for voice-overs. What good news! I’ve already been plodding away in my new home-studio and getting all excited by my new toys. Courtesy of my ‘hard’ work and honest pay… not Daddy’s wallet.

I’m writing this from my bed at 4.13am. Why so early, you ask? Well, it’s nerves. BIG pre-show nerves to be honest and they’re keeping me awake. So this is an attempt to quash them by spilling my thoughts and hopefully I’ll bore myself (but not you, dear reader) to sleep. I need to be fresh tomorrow as it’s the opening night, and for the last hour I’ve been staring into the darkness of my room with about 120 pages of dialogue, director’s notes and general cues spinning around my lucid state. Bloody plays!

Don’t get me wrong – I love the theatre. It’s where I started and since I was 11 years old I’ve been on stage pretty much every year without fail. It’s home to me. Entertaining is what I thrive on. But sometimes I do wonder though, if I prefer the rehearsal period more than the actual performance. It’s such an odd state to live in, being an actor. We are pretty much in a state of constant worry: we worry why we’re not working, then when we get an audition we worry about doing the audition, then when your agent says “You got the job!” you’re relieved only for a split-second, before being plunged back into THE WORRY as you ask yourself “Fuck, can I do the job?” This cycle is broken ONLY as you rehearse: you read, play, get to know your cast, drink copious amounts of tea and explore the beautiful craft. Then, it’s opening night and The Worry Returns (like a terrible movie sequel) – keeping you awake at night (like now) and making your hair-line recede along with your nails as you chew them in a nervous frenzy. This cycle continues throughout the run of the show: you worry about audience numbers, making them laugh (if it’s a comedy) making them cry (tragedy…or a comedy), the bloody reviews (don’t ever read them) and then it’s closing night and you are back to square one, as the very next day you are unemployed – cue, THE WORRY.

Ok, so there is a bit of dramatic licence there. So apologies, nobody likes a whinge-bag, but I am just in a bit of tizz as this last month has been like no other rehearsal period….

The play is called My Romantic History, written by D.C. Jackson:- a wonderful post-modern 3-hander comedy that has awards attached all over itself like a duded-up dandy. It’s a gift of play for an actor, so when I got the call to play the lead, I jumped straight in. The only problem was we are doing it as a two-night run off our own backs, with a mind to hopefully be able to get a transfer at another theatre later in the year. Think of it as a demo-tape for producers. It’s total Fringe Theatre. That means no money and very little rehearsal time. So when you work you have to totally focus on the job. There’s no time to be self-indulgent (anecdote-filled tea breaks? don’t be daft!) like most rehearsal periods. It’s rehearsing by-the-seat-of-your-pants. So that rehearsal ‘worry hiatus’ that I mentioned before does not exist – it is a head down, learn your lines and bite your nails to stumps in about 2 weeks process. Yes folks, 2 weeks!

But PHEW, we are in a good place. Yesterday was the last rehearsal and tomorrow/today (as it’s actually the A.M now) we will tech and dress the show ready for our FULL-HOUSE. Can’t believe it, but we sold out. What wonders! Hopefully my little rant here has somewhat given my nails a bit of growing time and I can finally get some sleep. Just so you know the play is directed by the wonderful Marianne Oldham and produced by David Ricardo Pearce.

MORE NEWS FROM LA LA LAND!

Well, LA was a delight. And I shot yet another commercial in my PJ’s. I can’t believe it, I seem to have become the go-to ‘sleepy-faced’ actor. What’s all that about?

We were filming with Sophia Coppola’s production company, Burbank Gamma Ray (yes, you heard that right) and working with total pros from Panavision and Bacon. Directed by Michael Werner and shot on Alexa cams with lovely lenses from the 1960′s. Absolute quality. I even got to drive a Lamborghini. Ok, now I’m just showing off. But I never thought THAT would happen.

It’s for Norway – in case you wondered what my weird over-dubbed accent is:

I’ve got my voice-over home studio FINALLY set up. This has been a little project I’ve been working towards for the last few years so I can work from home a bit more, saving studio time and costs to the client. Would like to put a shout out to renowned VO artist John De Bono, who helped me cobble this lot together.

And for all the tech geeks out there, here is my set up: Apple MacPro, Audacity, Garage Band, Class A condenser mic, iso booth, various software plugins. Also, tech geeks, don’t sneer at my room – I’m in the process of soundproofing!

That’s a play on words, that title. Do you get it? DO YOU? If you do then you are in my club. Welcome. Come on in….

So yes, I was in the Dolomites a few weeks ago filming some stuff for the Russians, which I can’t talk about. I could tell you, but then I’d have to nobble you with a cosh and send you to Gulag. Only joking, I wouldn’t nobble you. Maybe a nibble, if you were lucky. Didn’t they close the Gulag anyway? I hope so.

There I was up in the mountains at 7am, watching the sun rise and was absolutely spell bound by the utter majesty of these mountains.

It’s not often that I run out of things to say, but this view quite rightly put me and the rest of the crew in rendered silence. My palms got a bit sweaty with vertigo too, but the main feeling that took me over was just insignificance. I don’t mean that in a depressing, ‘what’s-the-point?’ way. I mean that my woes and worries suddenly became insignificant in the grand scheme of it all. I was humbled and that also led to inspiration. That’s the power of these things, I was shaken out of my city absurdity bubble and there was clarity…

I have been in a creative slump for some months and stuck on page 20 of my play; I’ve also stuck trying as a performer and wondering if there was any point continuing this pursuit. I was bogged down with worries and felt numb. But these mountains just fixed me, and I came back with London with a clear head and a renewed creative energy.

He’s gone off his rocker, you’re saying. I hear you, brothers and sisters, but just go to the mountains and dare not to be inspired. I double dare you. 

It wasn’t all divine inspiration, my friends. There were also some comedy moments to be had at 3000ft. Firstly, in the most remotest part of the mountain, I managed to step in a poo that look disturbingly HUMAN and I also noticed was that we were surrounded by these ad boards across the ski resort. What DOES this say about the Italian ‘target audience?’

Earlier this year I was out in Madrid filming the new campaign for Zalando, an online clothing company. It was your average dull shoot with clothes being fired in my face courtesy of an air cannon buried into the ground whilst being mobbed by 40 beautiful women. See? DULL!

Once again, I did my own stunts ( I’m like Tom Cruise or something, but without the Scientology and shortness) and there is no CGI in this, it’s all real….as is my beard.

Here’s the making of:

It’s about time I wrote a quick update. I’ve been pottering with a moan/celebration about the Olympics which I may post in due time, but I thought a video of me growing a beard could make do in the meantime.

Click the photo for some beard fun!

Photo by David Stewart.

A day off! My precious day off. Let me hold you tight and squeeze all the good things out of you: crumpets in bed, playing my ukulele and jogging in the Welsh countryside until my body clock adjusts back to GMT.

That latter part of my day off is much needed as I’ve just spent a week shooting a TV pilot inside an office with blacked out windows and having to constantly change my watch between the hours of 10.30pm and 3.00am. This becomes so disorientating that you actually don’t know what time it is by the time you finish your day. It’s like a weird jet-lag. Maybe I’ll call it set-lag? Or S-lag?

The first week’s shooting has been more than I ever imagined. You quickly have to learn that two or three takes is all your going to get on a scene before its time to move on. So being precious doesn’t wash….(even at high temperatures). You also need to let go of the ‘inner-critic’ that so many actors have and you have to trust the director that they are happy with the work you’ve done.

The first day I felt slightly overwhelmed by the road that lay ahead and the nerves really kicked in. I literally stuttered through my first line. I had a private chat with myself that night and had to get over myself a little. It surprises me how much doubt one can have over their abilities even after nearly a decade in the business. We all suffer from it: First date nerves, first day at school, first time at the Levenson inquiry. You have to understand that fear is part of the process and hopefully the more you recognise it the more you can learn how to smash the niggling little bastard to pieces.

By day three, lines were sticking just after a couple of read-throughs. My brain, I think, has tuned back into fast-paced line learning. Again, letting go of the fear/self-doubt/nerves aids line learning. By the end of the week, I discovered the fun of playing again and I’m also settled into the character of Marcus…

Marcus is a man who has let this fear, of which I speak, hold him back from doing what he really wanted to do in life. He has got stuck in a dead-end job where fear has turned to anger and mild hatred of his fellow man. This lack of control has led him in being taking control through obsessive compulsive behaviour which is strangely off-set by a uncontrolled bowel problem! Hilarious and tragic – a great gift for an actor.

Tea and Warpaint!

I’ve been procrastinating all day today. It’s the usual thing isn’t it? Big, lurking thing eyeing you desperately from your inbox and you end up eating Magnum ice creams and watching Ben Fogle smugging it about on iplayer. Perhaps its the spill-over/over-spill from an extra long Bank holiday, but more than likely its the same laissez-faire schoolboy attitude creeping back that ended up getting an F in French (Did you see the irony in that sentence?). As the old saying (that I’ve just made up) goes: the big elephant in the room needs milking….

What AM I going on about, you ask? Well, I am trying to learn my lines. My lines for a comedy pilot to be precise, in which *polishes nails on shirt* I play the lead role. It’s an excellent piece of writing by Andrea Thompson-Burke, which as usual I’m sworn to secrecy about, but I can tell you that my character is afflicted with OCD and IBS and works in a Call-Centre. Luckily for me, I have experience in all three of those afflictions both personally and by proxy. I’ll let you guess which ones…

My well indexed script!

So, the lines will be nailed and then I’m off to Wales on Sunday for an intensive filming process: 2 weeks to film an hour and a half pilot –  GULP! Yes, it’s going to be filming by the seat of your pants. And luckily my pants stay ON for this one. Not a pyjama or dressing gown in sight! The other exciting thing is that my comedy chums from Zeus’ Pamphlet will be joining me. We all got hand-picked by the producer from our sketch pilot submission which we filmed after our Edinburgh show. Good stuff, eh? I must admit, I huffed and puffed about filming our sketches, but the guys insisted and that really did pay off. Cue me eating humble pie.

Didn’t I say that I wouldn’t do anything in my pants again? Ah well, looks like I’ve become typecast.

Here I am as part of the Frenchy viral thing for Mennen, a men’s sports brand from French France.  Surprisingly, there are 2 million-plus hits and counting. Zute Alor!

This is part of four funny skits I did for their website which were directed by L.A. based Bo Mirosseni. It’s quite jolly really and you can even download a little animated ME for your desktop, if you fancy. Now there’s a first! I was hoping they’d release an action figure with kung-fu grip and clip-on side-parting.

If you’re wondering what rubber duck is all about, its a Gallic metaphor for a beer belly. And who said the French didn’t have a sense of humour!?